Comedy Writing with Wendi Aarons Session One (July 27-31)
We laughed a lot this week, and wrote puns, billboards, brilliantly creative sketches, and lots of other funny pieces. The kids loved watching “Who’s On First?” They also greatly enjoyed squirrel humor. Who knew squirrels were so funny? - Wendi Aarons
Sandwich = ham on toast
Watching TV = staring at boxes
Cat = feline human
Car = Moving rectangle
Mother = Nag machine
Swimming = Splashy walking
Apocalypse Rats- Frozen in Time
The force of the impact shattered their plastic cage, and the rats scurried around the quaking floor. Squealing, they scrambled out of the collapsing room and into the living area. They had run around the house quite a lot, so they knew their way around. Scurrying out the front door, Stuart and Linda knew they were in for a treat. Trees dropped like flies, fallen telephone poles sent sparks flying, and the houses crumbled to the ground. The pair of rats rushed under a pile of rubble and waited for the shockwaves to stop
Stuart: We haven’t eaten in two days! If we don’t get food soon, we might die!
Linda: But where on Earth would we get food? The world is literally on fire and there’s nobody to make us food!
Stuart: I might have an idea.
Linda: What could it possibly be?
Stuart: Now you might think I’m crazy, but-
Stuart: We could enslave all of the other rats and-
Linda: I’m listening.
Stuart: Make them scour the world for food.
Linda: You atrocious, brutal, cold-blooded genius!
Stuart: Well, what are we waiting for?
Linda: Um… One thing. Where are we going to find so many other rats? Plus, once we find them, how are we going to enslave them?
Stuart: That’s a good question - for another time.
One day later, Stuart and Linda are sitting in thrones and eating apples.
Linda: Now, how do we make the peasants stop begging for food?
While finishing off their apples, Linda and Stuart hear screeches from the enslaved rats. They look up to see lots of snow and ice falling from the sky, slowly covering the planet.
Stuart: We have to get shelter!
Linda: Where? There’s nothing left on this planet to hide in!
Stuart: Flip the thrones over!
After hiding under their thrones~
Linda: Where do we go now?
Stuart: I don’t know...
Slowly, Stuart and Linda are frozen alive like rat ice cubes, along with all of the other rats.
Apocalypse Rats- Lab Rats
Howard: Why are there so many dead rats right here? They’re all piled up on top of each other.
Laura: I don’t know, maybe they were a colony or something like that.
Howard: Eh, you’re right. It’s just weird.
Laura: Yeah, it’s probably nothing.
~Howard and Laura both stop at the sight of one of the rat’s eyes opening.~
Howard: What on Earth-
~Howard picks up the rat wondering how it survived and shows it to Laura. The rat jumped out of Howard’s grasp, and then collapsed on the ground.~
Howard: No wonder it’s tired. It hasn’t walked in thousands of years.
Laura: Is it okay? It’s breathing pretty heavily.
Millenniums pass until the first rat awakens. Blinking his eyes open, he lay on the dated grass. Squealing, he attempted to run off. But the one thing that stopped him was the very thing that stopped his ancestors a long, long, long time ago. He panted, realizing what was happening.
Finally managing to slip out of the human’s grasp, and Stu scrambled away. He hadn’t gotten far, though, due to the fact his bones were millennials old. He stumbled into the grass and stopped to rest.
Cat - Floof
Mother - The choregiver
Sandwich - flat burger
Car - transportation device
Swimming - the sport of not sinking
Watching TV - Looking at the entertainment box
My Pandemic Summer
During this summer, I read some books, played some games, and scarfed some meteorites. Just a normal boring summer.
1 and 2 Come Across A Fork in the Road
1: So, 2, where are we supposed to go?
2: Just take the right path.
1: Which one is the right path?
2: Why, don’t you know your directions?
1: No, you never told them to me. Now, which one is the right path?
2: If we are going to go to the correct place, go on the right trail.
[ 1 jumps out of the car and slams the door.]
2: What is this all about?
1: If you won’t tell me the right trail, I will not just assume that it is the left trail.
[1 stomps off into the left trail with his arms crossed.]
[2 stares blankly, shrugs and then turns right.]